Tuesday, 13 March 2012

A history of clinging

I confess I have a history of clinging - this includes both pulling pleasant things towards me and pushing unpleasant things away.  Rick Hanson talks about clinging in a psychological sense having a feeling of tension and obsession.  I have a date coming up with someone who I'm attracted to, I hear he is also interested in me - but we have only met briefly.  I've really gone out on a limb here as he lives interstate so I'm travelling to stay with the friends who introduced us. 
As my date draws closer I find myself being obsessed that this has to work out or I'll be devastated, this creates huge tension inside me, both fear and hope.  So as my date approaches I'm trying to be aware of those feelings, not beat myself up for feeling them, but to be aware.  Then to slowly try and release my attachment to the outcome.  One way I can do this is to try and live in the moment try to notice the here and now rather than obsess about the future or if it doesn't work out to be devastated by the past.  In the moments when I can focus my attention on the present it works reasonably well for me - but they are just moments.  The idea of not being attached to the outcome I find more difficult.   According to Rick I can be fiercely and energetically committed to something without being attached to the result.  So yes I do want a loving and intimate relationship in my life and I am working to achieve that goal, but if this isn't it then I guess there are other things in my life.  Right now I am safe sitting in bed, typing with my dog sleeping next to me, I don't need to be anxious.  Life is okay.

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